Orlando Bloom, Justin BieberIn the unlikeliest feud since, well, Freddie Prinze Jr. vs. Kiefer Sutherland, reports have emerged that Orlando Bloom allegedly threw a punch at Justin Bieber in Ibiza last night. The two were both partying at Cipriani on a Tuesday night (Paris Hilton and Diddy were reportedly also in attendance, which makes sense, since we imagine Paris Hilton and Diddy are never not at a Cipriani in Ibiza), when the 37-year-old Bloom was seen attempting to sock the 20-year-old Bieber. TMZ has posted video footage, of course, though the reported swing (Bloom allegedly missed contact) is not captured in the film. Bieber's scream of "What's up bitch?" is audible in the clip, however, which would seem to be how he taunted Bloom after ducking his punch. (We hear the video will be pushed hard for a best live-action-short nomination at the Oscars.) According to TMZ, Bieber then left the club, and "the crowd applauded."
Now, why would Orlando Bloom punch Justin Bieber? Is he fed up with Bieber's penchant for wearing his pants below his knees on a regular basis? Is he a militant Mahomie? Did Bieber call the Pirates of the Caribbean movies "unnecessary and, frankly, bland"? Well, we'll never know for sure, but all signs would point to the source of the conflict being Bieber's alleged connection with Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr, Bloom's ex-wife and the mother of his three-year-old son, Flynn. Rumors that Bieber and Kerr may have been romantically linked (never has the word "romantically" been used so generously) have been circulating for a while, ever since the two were seen partying together after the 2012 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Adding to the Midsummer's Night Dream-ness of this whole mess, Bloom was photographed earlier this year sitting next to Selena Gomez-who has been on and off with Bieber since 1987 (it feels that way!)-outside a party in Los Angeles.
Bieber, according to several outlets, took a retaliatory jab-though this one was psychological, rather than physical-following last night's altercation, posting a picture of Kerr in a bikini top on his Instagram account, which he immediately deleted (a favorite Bieber tactic).
What will happen now? Will Bloom whisk Gomez off on a trip to Cabo, imploring her to post a constant stream of joint selfies and black-and-white shots of Bloom in a hammock and such, just to torture Bieber? Will Bloom and Bieber reconcile in a few months, recording a song called "I'm Sorry, Brah (What Happens in Ibiza . . .)"? And what does Kerr think of all of this? We imagine her sipping mai tais on a beach somewhere, reading about this on her phone, and shrugging, before whispering to Flynn, "Ironically, everyone in my life right now is a child except for you."
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